Friday, December 12, 2014

Ten Years Ago Today, A LEVIATHAN took Shape on the Northern Indiana Plains, Let by a Genius Robot.

The G-Bot was Hired.  And all was right in the World. 

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How those Irish used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had a train
Then I could ease The Irish Pain
And, maybe, we’d be happy for a while.

Each November made me shiver,
As Irish losses hurt my liver.
Bad news on my doorstep;
Not another coaching misstep.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about Charlie’s Irish Pride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the losing died.

So bye-bye, Misters Davie and Ty.
Drove my Hummer to the Backer,
But the Backer was dry.
Them Bowden boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the playbook of love,
And do you have faith in plays thereof,
If the Script tells you so?
Do you believe in the pump and go,
Can play action save your mortal soul,
And can you teach Brady how to throw?

Well, I know that we’re in love with him
`cause we all did cheer him in the gym.
I can now throw out my booze.
’Cuz no more shall we lose.

I was a lonely 300 pound buck
With a case of Nyquil and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was back in luck
The day the losing died.

We were singing
“bye-bye, Misters Davie and Ty.”
Drove my Hummer to the Backer,
But the Backer was dry.
Them Bowden boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for eight years we’ve been on our own
While losses grew fat we could only groan,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When Lou Holtz played before the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from Frank Leahy
With cheers that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
Lou Holtz stole his AP crown.
The Bowl Alliance was adjourned;
No trophy was returned.
Molly Lennon read a book on trademarks,
The Irish practiced in the park,
And we cheered them til after dark
The day the losing died.

We were singing,
bye-bye, Misters Davie and Ty.
Drove my Hummer to the Backer,
But the Backer was dry.
Them Bowden boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer-like swelter.
Golden Eagles flew off to a fallout shelter,
Last in the ACC and falling fast.
Where once they tried to steal our grass.
Now Our Lads would steal their forward pass,
And leave those Jebbies moaning, in a cast.

Now it’s halftime up in Stanford’s tomb
While the Stanford band played an offensive tune.
We went to whoop them like France,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause Irish players tried to take the field;
The Stanford band refused to yield.
So the players stomped them and thus revealed
The day the losing died.

We started singing,
bye-bye, Misters Davie and Ty.
Drove my Hummer to the Backer,
But the Backer was dry.
Them Bowden boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
The coliseum and a loss of face
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack was nimble, jack was quick!
Fr. Jack took out his firing stick
Cause change is sometimes our only friend.

Oh, and as I watched Monk on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break residentiality’s spell.
As the ND jet climbed into the night
To be Urban’s sacrificial rite,
I wondered if it would come to my sight
A day the losing died

We were singing,
bye-bye, Misters Davie and Ty.
Drove my Hummer to the Backer,
But the Backer was dry.
Them Bowden boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met Missy Conboy who hates to lose,
And I asked her for some happy news,
She smiled and said “Charlie signed today.”
I flipped on to ESPN for more,
Where I’d watched the Irish years before,
But the man there said the Irish couldn’t play.

And in the streets: the Trojans screamed,
Llloyd Carr cried, and the Domers dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the NDCHOOCHOO and drank a toast
The day the losing died.

And they were singing,
bye-bye, Misters Davie and Ty.
Drove my Hummer to the Backer,
But the Backer was dry.
Them Bowden boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
bye-bye, Misters Davie and Ty.
Drove my Hummer to the Backer,
But the Backer was dry.
Them Bowden boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."
"This’ll be the day that I die."

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Sancho, we must move forward!

Honor DEMANDS it!

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Little known facts about the LUSers

1. As much as I love B-1 Bob Davie, his results at Notre Dame peg him as one of the least successful coaches in Notre Dame history. However, he gleefully notes that of the 3 teams that B-1 Bob Davie held UNDER a touchdown in a game during his tenure at ND, ONE of those teams was pathetic LSUer. And one of the mere handful of teams that B-1 Bob ran up the score ABOVE 38 points, one of those teams that he offensively had his way with was, you guessed it, LUSer.

2. LUSer's athletic department is so DUMB, in coming up with their criteria for finding a replacement for Nick Saban, they accidently used an old department criteria for purchasing used cars at auction, which required first and foremost that the purchase find a car with "LESS MILES" than the others. And so, I dream coach-team matchup was formed, TOTALLY by mistake.

3. The phrase "Big Easy" actually originally referred to LUSer co-eds.

4. There is a great deal of French influence in Louisiana and LUSer, including the inclination to surrender and give up at the slightest provocation (see Notre Dame game and the mass exodus of LUSer fans in the third quarter, 1997).

5. "Baton Rouge" literally translated means "Inbred Rednecks."

6. LUSer fans are proud to be called "Cajun" but the term itself actually refers to the response of the British, who, gaining custody of Baton Rouge and Florida Parishes upon the signing of the Treaty of Paris after the Seven Years War, went to Baton Rouge, saw the inhabitants, and said "Cage 'Em" which became affectionate known as "Cajun" for their smelly and criminal ways.

7.  Laissez le Bon Temps Rouler!! ... Translation:  Les Tempted Mrs. Moeller!!


I have received a response from France to My Proposal that they buy back Louisiana.

My initial offer was take back Louisiana only from the Louisiana Purchase in return for $5 million (much less than the $27 million paid, but we're only demanding the return of about 20% of the land). Here was the response I received:

Dear American Fool:

We have received your demand, mounted a defense, and now surrender. We will agree to take that fetid and festering piece of land filled with snakes and rubes off your hands. Well, actually, we're going to make it a colony, have it revolt against us, a revolt which we'll ruthlessly suppress, but then, alas, we'll let it go, all the while attacking the U.S. for its efforts at unliteralism and world hegemony.

However, we propose that upping the price to $10 million if, in addition to our taking that wasteland known as Louisiana off your hands, you do something that will be in both of our interests at the same time. There is an institution in your country, an institution that has a French name, but which stands for none of our basic tenets or beliefs. This institution stands for honesty, integrity, bravery in the face of adversity, excellence in all things and most importantly, righteousness. We, France, like our Cajun progeny, stand for deceit, duplicity, cowardice, utter incompetence and most importantly, wickedness.

Thus, we suggest that we could help each other if you would rename your institution "Notre Dame" to something not in French.

Please let us know your reply before we surrender again.

Best Regards,


So, what do you all think?? I think it's a good deal. We unload Louisiana and unload the French taint from Notre Dame. I'm thinking we could rename the school "KICK ASS!!" I can just here the announcers now: "And the KICK ASS FIGHTING IRISH take the field!!"


Funny Joke I just Heard: What's the Difference between Notre Dame and Cheerios??

Cheerios: Named after an effeminate British expression of typical British feigned caring.
Notre Dame: Named after the Mother of our Lord and Savior AND after Irishmen THROWING OFF THE YOKE OF BRITISH OPPRESSION!!

Cheerios: Small, slow-moving dumb little circles made of oats

Cheerios: Made to be devoured
Notre Dame: Made to DEVOUR!!

Cheerios: Often part of a complete breakfast for children

Cheerios: Typically served with carton of milk
Notre Dame: Typically served with a can of WHOOP @$$!!

Cheerios: Made, formed and crafted by General Mills
Notre Dame: Made, formed and crafted by the General Kelly!!

Cheerios: Good source of ruffage
Notre Dame: Good source of ROUGHNESS!!

Cherrios: Best served with plenty of milk on hand
Notre Dame: Best played with PLASMA and PAINKILLER on hand!!

In sum, the differences between Notre Dame and Cheerios are vast and noteworthy.

A Good Coach is Hard to Find

Let me tell you a little story. A family was on a magical journey. The family's cantankerous grandma, who didn't really want to go, was nonetheless all decked out for the trip. The trip took a nasty turn in the State of Utah when the family's path crossed that of an evil misfit, who a bit of an urbanite, on the run with some cronies to Florida. Despite his initial polite airs, the misfit is using the family to further his evil plans to go to Florida. Grandma tries to convince the misfit to alter his evil plans, but alas, her arguments fall upon deaf ears. He is like a prophet gone wrong, smart and talented, but taking the path of evil. In a surprising turn, the grandma achieves a state of Grace and reaches out to the misfit, seeing him as one of her own children. The misfit recoiled at that, and finished off his use of the family, in a most cruel and public way. However, by acheiving understanding and finding Grace, Grandma both accepted her tie to the misfit, but also cut her ties to the evil which created the misfit, and found her savior...... the GBot

Thursday, October 16, 2014

VERY BUSY for the past 10 months. Wrist is VERY TIRED (easy, Rove)!! Hardest part has been remembering the extra "i"



Monday, February 24, 2014


I know, I know, I have railed against the sausage-fingered ones more than anyone.  And I hate the torture performed on my, from the theft of the Velvet Elvis, the re-arranging of the furniture, to the EMTs in the bathroom in East Lansing.

But it must be said ... we need our BIG HEAD HEROES to take their rightful place!!

As Ray Nitschke said, so eloquently, speaking of Spart-a-wuss and, I must confess, Brutus, and Purdoo Pete, they are truly giants, each calling each other through the desolate intervals of time and Interstate 80. 

We may hate the institutions for which they stand.  We may despise the positions they took during and after the Troubles.  We may mock the sausage fingers.

But we must honor the Uber-headed mensch.  They abide.


Sunday, January 05, 2014

yciziewejcbv b 0en vza9euybc

Thursday, January 02, 2014


Despite the great pain he inflicted upon me and Pete, despite the crank calls, the re-arranging of furniture, the theft of the velvet, and the calling for the ambulance, I still remember the good works he did before he turned during The Troubles.

Thus, I must concede that I felt pangs of nostalgia and yes, even good feelings for the big Sausage-fingered lug, during his win over the hookah-smokers last night.

DO NOT TELL HIM THIS, though.  I'll never hear the end of it on the crank calling.

Monday, December 30, 2013

HUGE NEWS!! Mark Van Doren hired as ND Defensive Coordinator!!

This is HUGE for the mental and spiritual development of THE LADS!!

Gentlemen Warrior Princes just graduated to Gentlemen Warrior Prince-POETS!! 

We shall have a team of active contemplatives comprised of Thomas Mertons and Jack Kerouacs who shallst go On the Road to Climb the Thirteen Storey Mountain!!

13-0 shall never have been so well-written or so well-lived!!

Welcome, Mark Van Doren!!

Welcome Classical GLORY!!

Sunday, December 29, 2013

HUGE NEWS...but KEEP THIS UNDER YOUR HAT!! BKell is in discussions to BRING BACK THE GBOT as Offensive Coordinator!!

The return of the GENIUS ROBOT to ND!!  He will be housed in the press box during games to keep silicon leaks under control.

There is only ONE HITCH:  The GBot has not been programmed in Southie, and Brian "the Brain" Kelly does not speak FORTRAN!!  It means that for negotiations, they have to use their common international language of FOUL CURSING!!  Sadly, some subtleties are lost in translation.

GBOT:  *&^^%%$     $^%&#(&^%
BKell: &$#^$^*&    %$@$%^    #^$%@@  &^$$#$#@@@#$
GBOT:   $^#%   you!!

Still a ways to go, but keep your SAUSAGE FINGERS CROSSED!!  Pee Wee Peet Carol (whose last name is a girl's name) is SLEEPLESS in SEATTLE at the thought!!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Notre Dame and the USA are like BROTHERS!!

The Glory of Notre Dame and the Glory of the United States go HAND IN HAND!!

Look at Notre Dame's most famous coach -- Knute Rockne.  He was born in another country (Norway) but came here and succeed against all odds!!  He cut his teeth working for the government in Chicago!!  His name adorns the most-marketed creation of its time: The Rockne Studebaker. 

Compare it to the current US President!!  Also born in another country (Kenya), he came here and also succeeded against all odds!!  He also cut is teeth working for the government in Chicago!!  His name is name also adorns the most-marketed creation of its time:  Obamacare - with equal success!!

America and Notre Dame:  The only places on earth where guys named Knute and Barak can succeed.  Together.


Brian "The Brain" Kelly has done something NO NOTRE DAME COACH has EVER done before....

RETURN ND to the HIGHEST WINNING PERCENTAGE in college football History!!


The difference between Notre Dame and Michigan:

Notre Dame is the WINNINGEST team in College Football History!!

Michigan is the WHINNINGEST team in College Football History!!


My CEASE and DESIST issued by the INTERNET ended of its own terms TODAY!!






2014 is adds up to 7.  7 is the number of Notre Dame HEISMAN TROPHY winners.  7 is the number of AP National Championships won by Notre Dame since the end of WWII.  7 is our LUCKY NUMBER!!

2014 shall be .... #1 for the MIGHTY IRISH!!

Put it ..... IN STONE!!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

If anyone asks, I was never here.