Saturday, December 03, 2005

Let us be thankful for the Genius Robot for a moment

If I could love a machine I would love the Genius Robot. Well, now that I think about it, I love my Geo Metro, and my microwave, and my fridge, and my TV, and my blood pressure monitor (it squeezes my arm with just the right amount of force), my back massage pad, my Nqyquil delivery system, my boombox, blaring Thin Lizzy, Shania Twain (for at one time or another, we all feel like a women -- whether we're willing to publicly admit it or not), Motley Crue, Captain and Tenniel, and of course, Charlie Parker, my automated pork slicer and, of course, my Commodore 64 from which I communicate. Then, I think, I can indeed love a machine. Thus, these are a few of the things I love about the Genius Robot:

  • At his initial press conference at ND, he wore a black suit, black shirt and a black tie, bringing back the old monochromatic look of the 1980s, which could presage a return of my hairstlye to fashion
  • He made a promise to a dying boy whom he'd never met before, and granted that wish after the boy passed away, at a time when granting the wish was contrary to the Robot's self interest. He could have kept the promise to himself and ignored it after the boy passed away. He didn't. In the words of the boy's mother, he kept his promise. He kept his word. In a world full of lies, deception, "spin" and "plausible deniabilty," this Robot gave his word and he kept it. Robots measure ethics not by what you do when the world is watching, but also what you do when no one is watching.
  • When his charges dumped a bucket of ice water on him, he could have let loose with ROBOT FURY, but he did not; rather, he trusted his creators and the silicon sealant, which held, and showed no reaction to the icy liquid.
  • NOTE TO REST OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL WORLD: The Robot has a starter get in trouble with the law early in the year (before the biggest game of the year), reportedly misdemeanor DUI. The player was immediately suspended for the remainder of the regular season, even before the "legal process" had run its course, when all there was was an allegation. The player was a starter, a fifth year senior, and the next person on the depth chart behind him was a true freshman, and behind him, was anyone's guess. Yet the player was suspended, let the chips fall where they may. I say this because the player has publicly acknowledged the situation, to his credit. The player learned a lesson, as did the entire team. The Robot will NOT do anything to win. He will try to win...but he will do so while playing by the rules, with ethics. Unlike Pee Wee Peet Carol, who not only lacks ethics, not only is ridiculously short, but also has a girl's name.
  • The Robot taught the players how to win. I will go on record here, now, today, at this moment, ...... Notre Dame will not lose another game for 10 years whilst Choo Choo Charlie is in charge.
  • The Robot answers question. Reading a transcipt of a Robot Press Conference, you can see this guy knows his stuff. He's an educator and a leader. He says what he means and means what he says. There's no dodges here. He's our own John Freaking Wayne (except (1) Choo Choo Charlie has a better undergraduate education and (2) unlike the the Duke and Pee Wee Peet, Charlie does not have a girl's name).
  • When, during one game, Scarious Darius Walker was "hurt," and the Robot said they were going to perform and "adjustment" on him at halftime, and daggummit if that Robot didnt' do just that and fix his charge and send back out.
  • The Chia pet hair
  • Turning a Top 110 offense into a Top 10 offense, with essentially the same players
  • Sending the message to the College Football World, in binary Code: "You Guys are $&^@%'d for years to come"
  • Honoring the Naval Academy and all those who put their lives on the line for freedom
  • Telling Keith Jackson to go stuff it when he asked for an on-air interview
  • Creeping out Kevin White by greeting him at the ACC everymorning with "Good morning, Hal"
  • Allowing Fr. Seetch to perform an exorcism on his house
  • Winning
  • Leading
  • Returning normalcy to the world, with ND back to being hated by the ignorant, and loved by those touched by God.
Thank you Choo Choo Charlie. And thank you Patrick.


At 8:37 AM , Anonymous Luis said...

Marco, you better post a picture of that commodore 64, I haven't seen one in ages and will not believe you have one of those until I see it...

keep churning out the good stuff...and obviously GO IRISH, win the Fiesta!


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