Reports from Spring Practice....

BOHEMOUTHS with SPEED and STERLING INTELLECT roaming the Northern Indiana Plains LAYING DOWN THE LUMBER on anyone who gets in their way!!

NASTY?? That doesn't do these lads justice. They are SUPER HUMAN GENTLEMEN WARRIOR PRINCES defending the innocent, protecting the helpless, and BUILT TO DESTROY EVILDOERS!!

Oh my. The reports I'm hearing!! To the sound of Ride of the Valkyries blared of the NEW PA SYSTEM set for installation into the stadium (and tested by none other than ROBERT PLANT!!), the defense SWARMS like GIANT BEES, but instead of stingers, they have RIDDELL-CLAD SHOULDERS which inflict punishment the likes of which has not been seen since GODZILLA vs. GIGAN, when the mighty one, awoken from his slumber, SAVED US ALL FROM EVIL ones, just like our lads will TAKE OUT evil WolverTeens, ToeJams, and yes, Spart-a-wusses!! Ohh, the Horror!! Ohh, the Glory!!

I give it even odds that by about the third game of the season, opponents will be calling to FORFEIT so as not to have to undergo the BLESSED HUMILIATION being sent their way by the Friggin Genius Robot and his charges!!

I will pray for our opponents, AFTER WE SWEEP THE TURF WITH THE BRUISED BACKSIDES!!